I don’t think I’ll write
anything ever again.
I won’t eat
I won’t speak
I’ll waste away,
wishing I knew what to say
to make you stay.
Don’t let me. Don’t ever let me go.
Tried (real) sushi for the first time in Carson City with Juan. Needless to say I fell in love. Primarily with this baby, the Lily Roll from Ming’s. Makes my mouth water just looking at it!
So it’s been almost a month since Juan and I first met in person. I wanted to write this down so it doesn’t fade in time, especially when I go see him in January. Not that my memory would fade by choice, but we’re bound to make new ones and every moment may be better than the last.
So here it goes, the entire day leading up to picking him up from the airport had me shaking. I could barely sleep the night before. I kept telling myself, “This isn’t really happening, you’re not going to go meet him.” But then there I was, getting dressed, looking at the clock counting down the hours. I left way early for the airport. In fact, I tried to drive slow, but I ended up in the cellphone lot with forty minutes to spare. I sat there, staring at the flight arrival board. I couldn’t keep still. My heart was beating erratically. After ten months, here we were against all odds. It seemed unfathomable that I could fall in love with a man I’d never met with such a complicated backstory. Yet there I was, minutes away. I left the lot at exactly 1:45 and sure enough, you texted me: “I’m here…” to which I responded “Me too.” I circled the terminal once, then just decided to call you.
There was a bit of confusion, but finally you came upstairs. I waited on the other end of the line, looking to my right assuming you’d be coming out those doors. You came out the ones to my left and as soon as you saw my car, a mere 20 or so feet away, you stated “I see you.” My head whipped around to the left and there you were inside the glass entryway. My heart seemed to stop. I didn’t think. I hung up without another word, my eyes on you, seemingly debating whether or not you should come out or go back in. I got out of the car and you began walking towards me. You were tall, like I expected. And then, suddenly I was hugging you, breathing in your scent, my arms around you and yours around me. You were thin and smelled clean. That hug seemed to go on for a good amount of time and finally we pulled away and you pecked me on the cheek. It sent tingles down to my core. We got in the car and I just sat there staring for a moment. You were sitting in my passenger seat which was so unreal to me. You looked back at me and after a few minutes, we got going. Embarrassingly I had to loop around again because I missed the turn I needed to take and I couldn’t seem to shut my mouth. Words just kept coming out and you could tell how nervous I was. You said to act normal, relax. I tried.
On the way there we chatted and I loved it. It felt so weird but so good! You said how a lot of the roads we were on reminded you of Atlanta. I pointed out the Arch at one point and we made some jokes about how he never saw so many black people in Nevada. I pointed out the building we were going to. We drove up and I paid and parked and we went in. I walked up and quickly paid for the both of us. You objected and asked me why I paid and tried to give me a twenty and I refused it, stuffing it back in your shirt. I helped put your wristband on, and you put mine on. We walked to the right. I took you up by the mini aquarium and then after looking around for a bit, you pulled me to you and kissed me. My mind kind of went “whoa!” and before I could really return the kiss properly, you pulled away. I felt… awesome. I grabbed your hand and led you upstairs.
We walked all over the City Museum. I was particularly bummed that we couldn’t go outside and climb around, but that just meant we’d have to come back someday. I saved the caves for last, only because they were my favorite part and I wanted to kiss you again, and kiss you proper. We walked around upstairs and you admired the scientific display for quite a while. Finally we made our way back downstairs. We picked the first entrance to a dead end cave and once we had determined it was indeed a dead end, I scooted up close to you on your right. Then I just grabbed you and kissed with all the built up tension I’d had for the past ten months. It was deep and passionate and electrifying.
Some kids interrupted our little magical moment and we broke apart. From that moment on we were holding hands and jumping to the side to kiss each other when we were alone. I loved it. When it was finally time to head back to Columbia, it was raining. I made a bee line for the car since I’d left my jacket in it. Soon enough we were on the highway home. You grabbed my hand and music played as we drove. Darkness set and the drive seemed to last forever. But oddly, it didn’t matter… you were here and holding my hand. At one point you took my arm and kissed down the length of it. I shivered and the car swirved a bit and you laughed and dropped it, chirping to keep my focus on the road. However I could always feel your eyes.
In less than 24 hours we’ll be together - PHYSICALLY together. That is staggeringly close. I’m trying to just keep tricking my mind into thinking I have more time than that, because if I don’t then I’ll absolutely FLIP! And I have a paper to finish before tomorrow comes.
My God.. I’m so scared and nervous and anxious and ecstatic and… AHHHH! I can’t believe… I never thought something like this would happen to me! I can’t believe it’s been nearly 11 months of talking online and skyping and phone calls… And we’re finally meeting. I need to chill…. BUT I’M SO NERVOUS!